The White Howard.

You are a fuckboy.

So after 4 months of bullshit, Dwight Howard finally got what he wanted...he's out of Orlando.  Partially due to his own fuckery, he was unable to get to his stated preferred destination (the Brooklyn Nets) and instead is playing where he had said multiple times that he didn't want to go........the Los Angeles Lakers.  Helping to facilitate the deal are the Philadelphia 76ers (who get Andrew Bynum AND the bonus of not facing Dwight in the Eastern Conference playoffs) and the Denver Nuggets (WHO FOR SOME REASON ARE COOL WITH BRINGING THE WHITE HOWARD INTO THEIR CONFERENCE).

What did Orlando get out of this, you ask?  Arron Afflalo (a good 2-way SG), Al Harrington (a pretty decent forward), Nikola Vucevic (mostly still an unknown big in NBA play), Moe Harkless (a rookie), and a protected future first round pick from LA, Philly, and Denver.  They also got to dump Jason Richardson's contract.  I'm reading arguments up and down about the goal being to do so poorly that they get good picks out of these first round picks.  Is there going to be a center as good as Andrew Bynum in the near future?  And the picks are from...the Lakers (what picks do they even have at this point?  Anyway, whatever picks they have won't be any good, unless they get them from someone else), the Nuggets (who will be a playoff team for a while), and Philly (who, with Bynum, will also be a playoff team)...so, what picks are they getting again?  Fuck Orlando.  No, the picks from the Nets wouldn't really have been any better (if anything, they'd be worse), but you would have gotten a legit offensive center, a good rebounder, gotten rid of more bad contracts, etc.  With what I was hearing out of some of the media about the Nets deal, I was SURE that Orlando would get an excellent deal out of the whole thing (actually, I felt that either they'd get a Denver/Carmelo-esque deal or Dwight would leave for next to nothing).   Instead, we get this bullshit.

You're gonna have that look a lot bruh

The annoying things about this include Dwight consistently stating he didn't want to go to LA and Orlando doing all sorts of stupid shit.  Duwhite had been saying for a while that he didn't want to follow in Shaq's footsteps, that he didn't want to play alongside Kobe, etc., yet because he decided to waive the early termination option in his contract, he was pretty much stuck with the Magic until they got the deal that they wanted (more on this later).  He wanted to go to Brooklyn, but when the Nets were threatened with an offer sheet for Brook Lopez, they had to take him off the market (by overpaying him).  After that, I heard rumors that he wouldn't sign an extension for anyone but BK (still hearing this btw), and that this was keeping most teams from wanting to commit to a trade for him.  I heard about a possibility that Atlanta would trade for Howard (thanks to Josh Smith and Dwight Howard's friendship), but that was squashed.  Houston pretty much gutted their team to make room for Howard and the contracts that Orlando wanted to get rid of, AND they picked up Jeremy Lin, hahaha.  Somehow, that deal never materialized.  Then...the Lakers rumors started.  Again.  First, I was hearing Bynum and The Artest Formerly Known as Ron for Howard...but Orlando wanted to dump bad contracts, so the deal was a no go.  Then the Cleveland deal...how ironic would that have been?  Dan Fucking Gilbert facilitating a deal letting Dwight do to Orlando what LeBron did to Cleveland...wow.  Luckily, for whatever reason (apparently Bynum was never talked to?) that deal also fell through.  At this point, I resolved myself to the fact that Howard was getting to LA.  Every other team in the NBA seemed to be committed to getting Dwight there.  I blogged before about it...meh.  The Lakers get what they want.  It's an NBA fact.  It was just a matter of what teams would be a part of the deal.  The thing that kept irking me though...no matter what deal I heard that involved LA/Orlando (outside of the first deal), Orlando wasn't getting Bynum.  The only reason I was somewhat OK with the deal with LA was that at least Orlando could get close to equal value.  Howard is a better passer, defender, and rebounder than Bynum, but Bynum is the 2nd best center in the league.  The closest thing they were going to get to Howard was Bynum.  I could at least understand trying to get Bynum.  But instead of that, every third team involved was getting Bynum and Orlando was getting shit.

This brings me to Orlando.  WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.  You bitch about getting rid of contracts, you only get rid of Jason Richardson.  You want draft picks, you get PROTECTED picks from two definite playoff teams and one fringe playoff team.  You don't want to send Dwight where he wants to go, so you let him use reverse psychology to get him exactly where he wants to go.  You want to get value, and you turn down a decent 5/4 combo (Lopez/Humphries), a talented young 2 (MarShon Brooks) in favor of an aged forward (Harrington is good, but this will be his 15th season), a good 2 (Afflalo is young, and DEFINITELY on the upswing.  15ppg on 47/40/80 splits along with good defense is very good) and some unknowns.  Additionally, you help a conference rival get...you know, the 2nd best center in the league.  Granted, Afflalo is an upgrade at the 2 spot.  I 100% agree with getting him out of this deal, and it's not a bad move.  An Afflalo/Nelson backcourt isn't terrible, and after losing Howard, getting some defense in exchange for a washed up vet (J-Rich) is not bad.  I just feel like...you didn't get much else.  Harrington is old, and preferably, Glen Davis would fill the roles that Harrington fills (outside of the 3 ball).  Your Dwight replacement is...Vucevic?  I don't even know at this point.  Houston could have given you more picks and taken more contracts off of you.  The Atlanta deals I saw would have given you Al Horford (a former All-Star) and Jeff Teague (a solid young guard) along with Zach and picks.  Yet you decide to get next to no paint presence in the final deal, give Bynum to Philly, AND manage to piss me off by giving Howard to LA.  FUCK YOU, VERY MUCH, ORLANDO.  FUCK YOU.

Your Dwight replacement.  Congrats.

Now onto Philly.  You guys are winning.  You amnestied Elton Brand, you scooped up Kwame Brown, and everyone laughed.  "Oh, Philly wants to start Kwame Brown?  That'll be hilarious!" "They got rid of Lou Williams, picked up Nick Young, AND are getting Kwame?  So Philly's just throwing away their playoff hopes, huh?"  Then, this deal happened.  Granted, J-Rich is some bullshit.  But...suddenly, picking up Kwame as a backup and signing Spencer Hawes to a 2 year deal don't look like terrible ideas.  Andrew Bynum is good.  VERY good.  Do I think he's as good as Dwight?  Hell no.  Do I think he's better than Roy Hibbert?  HELL YES.  Bogut is in the West now, as is JaVale McGee.  Who's in the East for Bynum to bang with?  Howard's gone.  Garnett can't stop him.  Bosh won't be stopping him.  Horford can't stop him.  Hibbert can't stop him.  Tyson Chandler?  Joakim Noah?  Bynum is really going to have a field day in the East.  Tyson and Hibbert are probably his best match-ups next year, and I think he'll have good games at their expense.  It will be interesting to see how Philly does...I think their starting line-up now looks like Bynum/Hawes/Turner/Richardson/Holiday?  And Bynum as a #1 option?  Very interesting.

Forseeing some of this in the future

Lastly, Denver.  I am so cool with you guys getting Iggy.  Afflalo is good, but Iggy is an upgrade, period.  And really, Denver is great for Iggy.  He doesn't have to run the offense (Lawson/Miller do that), he doesn't have to be the top scorer (Lawson/Gallo can do that), he can focus on being a 2nd or third option and defensive specialist.  It's a great move for him.  HOWEVER.  You fucking helped a team you could possibly play in the playoffs...get THE WHITE HOWARD.  Of all the fucked up shit to do to yourself, bringing Dwight into your conference has to be near the top of the list.  I understand Orlando probably didn't want Howard in the East, so he was probably moving West all along, but damn.  Of course, with McGee and Mosgov, they're one of the better equipped teams to deal with the new Lakers (still), but ugh.  I would be doing whatever I could to keep Howard from joining a team I'd have to play against.  Again, though, that was obviously Orlando's thought process as well.  I don't think you all made out the best in this deal, but you definitely didn't make out the worst.



(There's nothing for me to say about the Lakers.  They got The White Howard.  End of story.)

Is there some sort of unwritten rule that causes GMs, etc. to act like complete idiots regarding deals with the Lakers?  Did the cosmos decide to make up for my generally good luck by making me hate the team that gets the most breaks in the league?  Seriously, fuck the Lakers.  I know David Stern can't do shit about this deal, but I'm holding out hope that he pull something out of his hat.

Where's Super Stern when you need him?